An Invitation

Actually, before I get to the invitation part, let me give you a little backstory. I’ve been told about eighty gabillion times in the past few years that I need to focus on self-care because I can't pour from an empty cup. And I've got to be honest - it pisses me off every damn time I hear it. But lately, it has me thinking. And Googling. Because those things almost always go hand in hand. I Googled self-care and this Forbes article about its importance popped up. The article seemed really approachable and from a reputable source, so I started reading. The author writes that I can get started on my self-care in ten easy steps. I can just begin with a run or light jog, a little meditation and taking a break when needed. The article goes on to tell me to laugh, eat green daily, avoid emotional eating, journal, say no and avoid overthinking. Well hot damn, that does sound like ten easy steps. If I could just do all of those things, my life would be so awesome and my cup would be so full. I only see one problem with this. I CAN’T DO ALL THOSE THINGS. I completely forget to laugh when I’m at my emotional and physical max. It’s like I forget things can even be funny, let alone how to see the humor in things. I forget to watch this video which is basically the funniest/most lovable thing I’ve ever seen on the internet. I am an emotional eater. I completely suck at saying no. I have three kids; I always need a break. I am an expert over-thinker, and I can’t run or jog anywhere because I keep hurting my knee/ankle/foot. Because I’m maxed out right now. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. Maxed out. Hence the need for a DeLorean and an email newsletter. That is the obvious solution, is it not? In actuality, this email idea was born out of the shame and guilt I feel at not being able to adequately bring my #self-care game. People with (seemingly) good intentions keep reminding me that my cup is empty. Do they think I don’t know this? Because I do. I KNOW THIS. But how do you fill an empty cup when you can’t even hold a damn cup because you need both hands to hold your life together because if you let go of one thing, the wheels are going to come off this bitch and the doors are going to swing open and a carseat is going to fall out and I’m going to be charged with child endangerment and then my monkeys will literally be running the circus and people are going to see this explosion for miles and miles and miles. Did you know that #self-care has become an $11 billion industry in the past few years? I knew it was a growing market, but I had no idea it was billions of dollars big. This article and this article and this one too talk about this self-care trend and how it keeps blurring the lines of care and indulgence. Although #self-care is currently trending, it’s really nothing new: caring for one's self has roots that date back to Socrates. The philosopher believed that care of the self was a necessary component of morally ethical behavior. Our relationship to our ‘selves’ is the most important one we’re in, and yet, do we spend any quality time on that relationship? What is self-care then? I believe it’s more nurturing yourself and less 'treat yo self'. It’s more about honoring the light within you and less about buffing and exfoliating the exterior package. Don’t get me wrong - I believe there is absolutely a need to treat ourselves… I just don’t think it’s the same thing as nurturing self-care. The definition of nurture is “to care for and encourage the growth or development of”. I’m talking about actively participating in and practicing acts of proactive self-encouragement. Nobody teaches us how to practice nurturing ourselves. We’re not taught that this is a practice and that, as such, it requires time and attention to master. We don’t learn that if we stop practicing for a while, it’s harder when we try to pick it back up again. You say I can’t pour from an empty cup. My question is, how do I fill it in a meaningful way that doesn’t cost me resources I don’t have to spend (money, time, energy)? So here’s my invitation. Join me in my attempt to redefine this practice of nurturing oneself across what I see as the five dimensions of self-care: to create, to connect, to nourish, to seek joy and to consume good. I plan to explore this idea over the course of the next year. I’ll be checking out books and podcasts and all. the. things. the internet has to offer. There may even be some things we can’t unsee. I’m so ready for this, and I can’t wait to share what I learn with you. I promise to show up every Friday and keep my emails short… so they only take about five minutes to read. I know you’re busy. But we’ve all got time for five, right?